Inroads and Bubbles

Well the last year or so did not result in the kind of travels I had planned for me and my little converted Nissan Cube, I lovingly named Sugar.  A couple of posts back I shared the impulse to build a camper-car and hit the road less traveled in a more literal way.  Then,....well, the world went insane.  Locked down, we were all manipulated into a society literally plagued with....FEAR! As I watched with amazement the whole world shut down and bought into a plan that had, (unbeknownst to most) been in place for decades, I marveled at just how easily it was pulled off.  I won't go into all the how's and why's of the 'plan-demic' here.  At this point one either understands that there are elite agendas driving this reality or they don't and, in my opinion, it is no ones place to try and convince anyone either one way or the other.  Ya either are curious enough to dig for reason or you are programmed enough to comply with whatever comes down the pike.  This is where the title of this post moves into a bit of explanation. Instead of hitting the road as planned, my personal inroads became four lane highways! The personal 'bubble' I had always lived in, unlike the larger collective bubble that I was attached to, truly became a world unto itself.  Much like those connecting soap bubbles we blew as kids, the larger, dominate collective reality bubble and my smaller personal attached bubble shifted and changed to such a degree that my little reality bubble seemed to completely separate from the larger collective reality.  

Now, almost a world unto myself, I could clearly see that I had never been in anyone's passenger seat! I'd been driving my own life all along!  The reflection of a world so lost in the illusion of what was (and is) being presented as fact honestly magnifies those of us that have no relation to it what-so-ever.   I haven't posted since the non-sense began.  This was a conscious decision to not acknowledge or participate in the multitude of either/or scenarios being rolled out to divide and conquer the world population.  After a fair bit of initially engaging, I unplugged from the very little social media I subscribed to and have never been more grateful to have long ago abandoned TV and mainstream media in general.  As a result my life has been filled with joy and creativity and we've had more time with (awake) friends and family visiting than ever before!  I've gone where I wanted, done what I've needed, never complied with the absurdity of mask-wearing (don't get me started) and I'm just posting this here to for posterity.  The show isn't over, it's just beginning on many levels. We've yet to see the alien invasion rolled out, but it's coming! Trust me, it's coming!  At least the direction they want to spin their whole 'alien' agenda is coming. It's not what you think, and it's been here forever.  We've got a lot headed our way.  A bit more of the shadow will have to raise it's head so it can be purged as we move from the hidden nature of the Piscean age into the Aquarian where all is revealed.  Shock waves will be felt across the collective as this unfolds, but know that these are necessary. Take deep breaths, trust your gut over what you are told and be assured we are on the cusp of a magnificent world stolen from us by those that are on their way out!


Defining Creativity (pt.2 of 2)

Lately I have been fascinated by the work of Deloss Webber. Weaving basketry around stone or rocks this man has created an art form that moves me emotionally and stirs my own imaginative juices.  I suppose it is the discord I register between the common 'emptiness' of a basket, which makes it useful and the weight/heaviness of the permanent/unmovable object around which it is woven that strikes me.  The beauty of his weaving, often chaotic, also captivates me.  I came across his work while researching a popular art form of tying Japanese style basketry knots around stones.  The beauty of these pieces inspired me to create a few myself and then my breath was taken away as I came to find Webber's work.  A long time admirer of Andy Goldsworthy's ephemeral art, Webber's also touched a part of me that admires the use of nature as primary medium.  Before long my studio was filled with stones and weaving material and hours melted into days and days into weeks as I played in the energies these men had creatively brought forth.  But, according to my own definition of creativity (last post) was I being creative or merely mimicking?  

Well that's easy...I was mimicking.....at first.  Eventually I dropped the traditional Japanese basketry knots and started designing my own around various shaped stones using a variety of bindings and reeds.  I began incorporating felted wool, driftwood and twigs.  I surrounded myself with all kinds of options and watched as my once held desire to create natural settings for some of my most intricate miniature paintings began to evolve.  Now I was moving into creative energy.  No sooner had this happened when another inspiration hit.  How perfectly this media lent itself to creating collaborative works of art with my husband.  

Mike is an incredible sculptor who works in wood.  And while a lot of his work is whimsical, he has a few abstract and stylized pieces that have always spoken to me.  I approached him about the idea of a collaborative series and he agreed to explore the idea. I am excited to see where it will take us.  This is what creative energy does...it moves us in new directions!  Literally!  This is the difference between 'making stuff' and creating!  I often enjoy making stuff. But when creativity joins the play I am engulfed in a whole new level of enjoyment.  And sometimes profound insight joins the mix.  Such was the case with the portrait I wrote about in my last post (pictured above).

Resting on my easel it caught the attention of my brother who had come to visit.   Looking at the painting he said, "That's the closest thing I have ever seen to depict what happened the night Dad died."  It evoked in him, a memory and a story about a mystical shamanic experience he had shared with our dad as he passed from this world into the next. As I listened to him recount the powerful experience I was gifted with the most wonderful and deeply moving story of this passage. I could see the peace in my brother as well, as he gave words to his experience and the intimate nature of a journey he had taken with our dad.... just so far, until my father suddenly turned and stopped him before going on to cross a river with a tribe of people resembling the woman I had painted.  Now when I see this painting I am filled with this story and thankful for the door it opened for both my brother and I to sit in the intimacy of our dads transition in such a unique way.  

This is not the first time I have shared how a painting has emerged to create a healing space. It is what happens when I step into creative energy. Something new is born, something that moves me from one state to another, from one experience to another. Creative energy is just that...creative.  It does not mimic, it's not replicating and never there just to 'make stuff'.  It's there to move us, to reveal something, to stir something up or awaken us.  At least this is my experience of creative energy. This is why I differentiate between my own creativity and my attraction to simply making stuff.  I play in both energies.  I enjoy both energies. But only one awakens me and moves my journey forward.


Defining Creativity (pt. 1 0f 2)

What is creativity? If I listen to the popular notions surrounding the expressive energy we all possess, I'd come to the conclusion that it's about 'making stuff'. And in today's heavily marketed atmosphere it's mostly about putting bits and pieces of stuff from craft stores or junk shops together in a fashion or style after someone else...someone whose gotten recognition and now offers a line of products or 'how to' classes, books or videos.  Scrapbooking, card making, altered this or that. It's about tools that can die cut everything for us or mass produced stamps we can ink up and play with like school children in art class. I'm not knocking this.  If we enjoy it and it gives us pleasure, great! I just don't want to confuse replication with creativity.  Reconfiguring patterns someone else designed may be fun and may turn out beautiful, but is it creative?  This is something only you can answer for yourself.  As for me, the term creativity encompasses a whole new level of awareness.

While the works of others often inspires me to try my hand at similar styles or similar pieces, in my mind and in my heart, true creativity is original, inspired (coming from spirit) not mimicked.  Starting where others left off can be a jumping off point for expanding an idea or seeing if I can stretch myself or find something completely new. However I don't consider it creativity.  It is fun and engaging and one can get lost in the 'making' process, but it's not creativity.  In my experience true creativity takes me on a journey and literally in-forms me through expression. Sometimes subtly and sometimes with profound insight. The only reason knowing this matters is because when we don't know, we don't have a choice....and choosing is everything!  Choice is the basis of free will and I have come to realize that true creative energy demands my free will.  

Gaining a skill set (several in my case) was and is very important to me as a visual artist.  To do this I looked at the work of others, sought out teachers I thought had mastered a certain media, and I mimicked some of their styles on the way to finding my own creative voice.  Eventually my work was my own and I could play with a variety of expressive art forms in oil, watercolor, textiles, clay, etcetera. And while I enjoy working in all of these and setting up original compositions, it's important to me that the work not mimic or, heaven forbid, include the artwork of others somehow cut up and "collaged" together in a fashion they never intended.  As a close friend recently said of this kind of 'art', "That's so reptilian!" lol!  But even finding my own creative voice/style falls short of the kind of creativity I am writing about in this post. 

I am writing about inspired creative energy. Something born purely out of nothing....and everything!  Something that carries a message from beyond the artists awareness.  Something wanting to be birthed into form.  I chose the image for this post from a painting that came to me in the way that I am describing. It was inspired rather than composed in the way I traditionally paint a still life or portrait of an actual person. And with it came a gift, not unlike all the work that has come to me in this way of tuning into to what I call true creative energy. 

So, what do I mean by tuning in? For me this happens in a variety of ways.  But mind you, I have nurtured what I refer to as Creative Introspection for 30 years, and the awareness I share here is born of that.  Sometimes this kind of creativity comes fast and furious and I am either awakened and called to my studio by some stir of energy in the night, (as I shared in my stories blog under the title Creative Intervention) or I can suddenly be urged to drop everything and start writing.  I can also initiate it by sitting quietly and opening myself up to it. The painting above came in this way.  

One day I simply sat at my easel with my preferred grayscale pallet. For some time I had been looking at portraits by various artists and photographers.  I had also recently finished painting a portrait of my grandson and one of my husband,  so I wasn't surprised by the stirring to paint another.  What did surprise me was the one that came through.  With every stroke I had no idea where she was coming from or going. I was simply the instrument holding the brush as she was being painted before me.  My skill set and abilities were also being exercised by this creative energy but my mind was free to watch and marvel at the unfolding imagery.  Nothing inside me was making mental decisions or engaged in 'figuring anything out'.  I was free to follow the inspiration where it led, without planning.  With absolute wonder the portrait emerged.  Over the next few days she became more and more refined but by the end of the first sitting she was largely complete. Her headdress and the rams horns were a complete surprise.  And I loved them! Her furry cloak wasn't even a technique I had ever heard of or tried. I just watched as I applied it.  This is how I define creativity.  The co-operative interaction between MY physical aspect in form and my non-physical aspect in spirit....MY local and non-local self in an exchange of energy and form.  I stress these aspects of SELF to differentiate between giving oneself over to ANOTHER! This is not that!  This is recognizing we are indeed more than meets the eye, literally!  And tapping into the 'more' of us that is our spiritual aspect, births true creativity.  It is the bridging of 'heaven and earth'...bringing consciousness into form. At least this is what my integration has revealed to me.  And while I still execute the majority of my artwork from a traditional perspective of planning and composing, nothing compares to the pieces born of this magical melding of body and soul. 

So, what did she come to express? This ram horned, shamanic woman? Well, that will have to be a sharing for the next post as this one has gotten rather lengthy.  I'll post her portrait there as well so it's easy to find. It is a revelation that shows how creative energy can come through one person to touch or even heal another. 


Sugar and Spice

Having followed the intuitive nudges to add a little spice to life and convert my tiny Nissan 'Sugar' Cube into a viable home on wheels, it was time for a test run. The hot Texas summer hadn't deterred me from building out my little rig and it wasn't going to stand in the way of a test run. Despite the high 90 degree temps of September, I needed to see what worked and what needed more tweaking before setting out as a solo female traveler.  My girlfriend, Theresa had been inspired to put together her own solo set up so we agreed to meet at a favorite spot for a couple of nights.  While this wasn't a trip to see how the open road and being back in the drivers seat of my life felt, the initial feeling as I headed out was one of confidence and gratitude.  

Once I arrived, set up proved to be a breeze. Park, attach my homemade window screens to the rear and all four windows, add the pop up canopy off the back, adorn with old sari's for added shade, toss down some old throw rugs for that homey feel and I was good to go.  I had a place to sleep and a shaded place to work.  So began the lessons...

Lesson one, ants! Thankfully Theresa was ready with a remedy because upon parking I disturbed a bed!  Orthene to the rescue.  Lesson two, park on level ground.  The first night went well but for the intermittent feeling of rolling down hill each time I shifted in the night from side to side.  While the incline was virtually undetectable to the naked eye, it was quite noticeable lying in bed. Lesson three, don't hang lights on the canopy unless ya want thousands of mayflies for company.  Live and learn.  Thankfully my screens passed their test with flying colors! I think the biggest lesson however had to do with food.  When ya camp with others for the fun of it, food is often a big part of the socializing aspect. Maybe it was the heat but both Theresa and I found that food held the least interest for us.  While we set up and used our respective gear and enjoyed the food we cooked, we both agreed this could be greatly simplified.  In the future, boiling water for coffee and for my homemade meal-in-a-jar recipes would serve me just fine.  This would also eliminate the necessity of hassling with ice.  Especially since I'm planning on installing a secondary battery for off grid times, a 12 volt cooler would keep anything I did want cold nice and fresh without getting water logged. 

With everything tested, including the effenciecy of my personal privy, I'd say the trip was a huge success. I wrote a few things down to add to my rig and eliminated some others.  My next trip is planned for November where I will spend a night or maybe two alone before meeting up with a couple of friends. Other solo adventures are planned, because after all, that is the point of all this.....stretching myself, pushing through personal limits and overcoming imagined fears. Getting to know myself on deeper levels and navigating life from the drivers seat once again.


Meet Sugar Cube

A few months ago, the urge to get behind the wheel and take my life in a new direction became literal....and overwhelming.  I simply had to do it. I couldn't really explain why, but more often than not that is how the edge of insight presents itself to me.  I knew some of the answers I sought were wrapped up in this challenge and so I embraced it.

I began by removing the backseat of my 2009 Nissan Cube to see if I could sleep comfortably in the small space behind the front seats.  For once  it seemed that being short was playing in my favor. Fully stretched out, I fit with room to spare...ok, only an inch or so, but the point is that I fit!  With one of those fold out chair/bed thingies, I could sleep comfortably in my car.  As my husband Mike shook his head and watched me, I knew he couldn't really understand what was prompting this decision... and he probably never will.  We are most definitely not cut from the same cloth. He thinks I want to go camping. And while camping is likely a necessary part of living from time to time from ones vehicle, it is not my reason for any of this.  This out bound adventure is, in all honesty, an inside job! 

See, I am a self-proclaimed recluse. An introvert of the first degree who has designed a life of quiet introspection, dedicated to personal growth and the metaphysical expansion of consciousness.  I have lived this way since I discovered how to tuck myself inside myself while still tending to the business of everyday life. Once I realized I had been programed to live any other way I simply began to identify and delete the programs that I didn't write myself. That work (and is it ever work!) began more than thirty years ago and I'm still finding software that I didn't install.  Anyway, as alluded to in my last post, a new, introspective awareness recently surfaced, and, as they tend to have many layers, explaining it may not be easy.  But here goes...

Apart from the literal reality that for the past thirty plus years, thanks to partners and friends who love to drive, I have, for the most part, been a passenger.  A happy, content to stare out the window, vagabond loving, kind of traveler.  This and the many wonderful, peaceful homes I have created along the way have given me refuge from a world I've never felt was mine.  The hectic, productivity driven, materialistic world of striving for recognition or embracing distraction is simply not my home.  Small talk and extroverting doesn't feed my soul and so I have managed to let those that dwell there, well, dwell there... without me.  However, the outer world being a perpetual reflection of our inner world, I should have known this whole 'passenger' thing would rear its head one day. But I honestly, I never saw it clearly until now! Even as I worked long hours converting my car, I never saw what I now see.

This very moment, while writing this post about hitting the road in my recently converted Nissan Cube, an understanding I've been trying to arrive at for years, suddenly and quite unexpectedly revealed itself.  And with it, the trajectory of my life has just shifted gears!   Rather than determining the route, passengers are, for the most part, simply along for the ride! But whose ride? That my friend, is where the rubber has met my proverbial road! Okay, enough with the metaphors! But this burgeoning revelation is far more exciting for me than anyone reading this post can imagine!  Revelation comes with an energy like nothing else, and right now I am filled with it as insight and understanding serge through me.

What I now realize is that partnership, (in my case marriage), takes me from behind the wheel of my own life!  Unbeknownst to me, for 28 years I have been operating an unconscious program that caused me to shape my journey within and around someone else's navigation!!!  This is a huge insight for me!  It's as if I have finally grabbed hold of the root of an issue I've been digging toward for more than twenty years.  I now realize how and why it has evaded me, grown so stubbornly deep, and why hitting the road is exactly what I need to do to weed it out once and for all.  Wow! I love the way guidance unfolds when I trust in it.  As always, engaging what I intuitively feel called to create never fails me.  Even when the project looks to all others as though I've lost my mind! And why wouldn't it? This time it was converting a car into a tiny home on wheels! 

While this post has gone on far longer than intended, be assured the next one will share plenty on this subject after I stew on it for a bit.  Meanwhile, check out the pics above of the sweet ride I have converted and named Sugar Cube. Also, stay tuned for posts from my own (literal) road less traveled, where I am now firmly and securely behind the wheel, navigating my own life and, as a directionally challenged individual, truly hoping that there is indeed truth in the axiom, "Not all who wander are lost.". 


Indwellers Dilemma

I have come to a place in life that knows the value of embracing fear and challenging limits.... especially those self-imposed. Thirty years of inner-personal work will do that for a gal. And while living a life dedicated to un-doing the programming that comes with this human experience, there are relatively few things I shy away from exploring deeply.  Embracing my shadow is old school.  It goes without saying that the riches which await anyone who does that work is well worth any price. Facing emotional obstacles really never scared me much. Psycho-spiritual work has always fascinated me and I could easily live in the space between my heart and my head forever. That's my comfort zone.  I'm an indweller.  Leave me to my books and journals, my paints, brushes and canvases, my needles and thread.  Leave me to oracle decks, numerology and introspective insight and I am happy.  Apart from bookstores, art galleries and libraries, public places hold little attraction for me. And while I was once quite content if that never changed, it seems I am being called to many new lessons.  Once content to watch the world from my window, it seems I am being both literally and figuratively called out!

In a world where so many complain of having no time for themselves, where harried schedules and multi-tasking is the norm, I live in a kind of personal retreat. There are no demands on me other than those I willingly impose. My modest home is both a studio and a gallery, a rich library and and eatery with my favorite tastes and smells. It holds comfort, peace, love, laughter and creativity.  And most recently a kind of restlessness I have never known. As one who lives for introspection, something is always ready to rise to the surface to be faced and healed. I always knew this day would come.  I had no idea what it would look like or the shape it would take, but when it beckoned, I knew it immediately.

The world 'out there' has never held a fascination of any kind for me. Again and again I found myself designing a life apart from it.  Not in a creepy, loner kinda way but in an intentional, purposeful way.  I have never been wealthy or driven by money. When I was young I embraced poverty as a single mother, and again, six years ago, as an unexpected and untimely widow.  Today I live on a small fixed income sharing the home of a new life partner who is content to hold down the fort, so to speak, as I heed this calling....whatever it is.  Well, content might be a stretch, but he's willing to see where my crazy will carry me this time.  My new husband often shakes his head in silent wonder at the woman he married three years ago. But back to this restlessness I mentioned....and the dilemma it imposed.

If I'm in tune with anything it's my inner nudgings.  I know when it's time to stretch myself and walk through self imposed limits and personal short-comings.  Life is ready to teach me something new and it appears class is on the road.  The road! Something I haven't navigated in more than thirty years! Literally!  Apart from driving to the store or my mom's from time to time I have spent the last thirty plus years surrounded by girlfriends and partners who love to drive.  Add to that the fact that I am directionally challenged (to say the least) and you can imagine the limits facing me (dare I say fears) as a woman being called to hit the road.  But that's the point, isn't it! Facing fears and limits.  Apparently touching the core of who I am (and who I am not)  is no longer doable in the cozy air conditioned world of an on demand lifestyle.

As Thich Nhat Hanh wrote, "I do me, for that I came."  Or how about Socrates's "The unexamined life is not worth living."  The admonition from the Gnostic gospel of Thomas however is still my favorite.... "If you bring forth what is within you, what is within you will save you. If you do not bring forth what is in you, what is in you will destroy you."  This is the meaning of life I have embraced for more than thirty years. Having gladly walked, run and dragged myself through my mental/emotional and personal limits for the last thirty years, it's apparently time to engage a new frontier.  On many levels I am giving up the passenger seat....and all that that implies.

I have spent the last two months designing and converting my tiny vehicle into a minimalist, home on wheels.  At 63 I am packing my bag and leaving home.  I'm not sure where I'm going but I know it has less to do with road maps than inroads and a journey whose time has come.  Follow along as I share just where it carries me in the  Nissan Cube I have spent the last two months converting.  Aptly named for the sweet ride it has become, my next post is dedicated to Sugar Cube.


When I took this photograph I was walking with a few women that had come together almost twenty years before to celebrate my 40th birthday.  After several years of solitary inner work I desired a community of like-minded/like-hearted women centered on introspective sharing. They were the gift I gave myself in the form of a sacred, introspective sisterhood.  

We would continue to gather one weekend a month for the next four years. Following that, in the face of death, divorce, marriage, motherhood and widowhood we have continued to gather. In spirit if not in person, most of us are never far from one another.  The losses have been difficult but the impact on the lives of those of us left to gather have been profoundly blessed.  Lessons that can only be learned through losing those you love are often the biggest gifts anyone can receive. This is true for those that pass away as well as those who embrace a path focused elsewhere. This sisterhood and the individuals who formed it has been the greatest gift in my life.

We called ourselves Journey Women because we knew it was the journey, not the destination that mattered.  Together we traversed the inner landscapes to unimaginable depths and heights. Introspection and shadow work was our process. Holding up mirrors for one another without judgement was our commitment.  In taking up the inner journey we each found our personal 'road less traveled' and helped one another put one metaphorical foot in front of the next.

The Innerwyze blog is about the wisdom found in navigating an inner journey. It's my way of giving back and paying forward the incredible gifts I found by simply looking inward and embracing all that I found there. Having a small circle of introspective, nonjudgmental sister-women willing to drop all masks, explore deeply buried wounds and share failures as victories is no small thing.  I know that we live in a world where that kind of safety simply isn't possible...'out there'.  But it is completely possible within ones own heart and mind.  

As an extremely introverted, introspective, intuitive woman, intrigued by the meaning of life, I simply began on my own.  For several years I read and explored and questioned the meaning of life...in general and my life in specific.  As science, philosophy and religion failed to adequately answer the questions I carried, I simply began to ask existence itself.... Who are we, where do we come from and what are we doing here?  I also held a mantra of sorts within me, "Lead me into all truth."  The old saying, "Be careful what you ask for." has proven a great warning.  Thinking I was simply on a esoteric quest, I was not prepared for the truths about this world which have been revealed as well.  

I have taken the time to write several of my life experiences in both story form and poetry.  I share them because they provide the best glimpse I can offer into a life built around introspective curiosity and questioning.  My goal in publishing these along with occasional posts is two-fold. First, to lay as breadcrumbs for anyone wondering what an introspective journey might look like. Secondly, and probably more important, as a shout-out to introverts everywhere to take up the life they came to express.  As introverted individuals we are capable of deep thoughts and long periods of inner searching that others simply aren't built for.  Our extroverted, socially obsessed, consumer driven world desperately needs the balancing we fail to bring when we introverts measure ourselves against the masses.  The resulting social anxiety and feelings of inadequacy fall away as we journey inward, embrace the truths we find there, and then share them with those who ask.... having simply noticed that we walk to the beat of a different drummer, along a road less traveled. ...and, as Robert Frost expressed, "that has made all the difference."

Beyond Belief

The quickest way to stymie the expansion of consciousness/personal awareness is to adopt a belief. Beliefs are like boxes I built around myself to accept or embrace the confines within whatever experiences I find myself. Some boxes are comfortable, some painful and some simply hold me in a kind of suspension, unable to experience the fullness of my being. That doesn't mean beliefs aren't useful, because they are. Used like stepping stones rather than full blown parameters locking me into a set of rules to live by they can be very helpful indeed. 

What I have just written is one such example of a belief that continues to surface whenever it is time for me to move from any box I have built. No matter how expansive any belief box that I have adopted is, and no matter how well it has served the expansion of my conscious awareness, moving in full time and setting up permanent residence there hinders my ability to expand more. It limits me from accessing the fullness of my being and even more conscious awareness.

Expanded awareness knocks at my door all the time. Whenever I get comfortable within a perspective and think ‘Ahhh, now I get it!’, within no time at all I’m shown that what I have come to embrace is only one more teeny tiny piece of a larger puzzle that I am forever being guided to put together. Today I can move from one belief to another, more expansive belief, with relative ease. But that has not always been the case. It was once an anguishing dismantling process of tearing down one belief box before I could even recognize the new one waiting for me to move into. To say this process was earth shattering and at times heart wrenching is not an exaggeration. This is because I attached everything I thought I was to the beliefs I held about life and the world. Humans, operating from an ego state of consciousness do this. It’s called self preservation. Humans operating from an enlightened perspective of consciousness use something else to ensure their well being. It’s called intuitive guidance.

About thirty years ago I attended a lecture and heard a speaker put it like this… “The ego has one job, and that is to identify where we are and what the rules are for making it here.” This understanding became the basis for recognizing the boxes of beliefs I had carefully constructed to keep me safe. To say they weren’t working was an understatement. It became my mission to undo every one that didn’t serve me and my desire to embrace and live from the fullness of my being. Thirty years later I am still engaged in that process. The difference is that today I leap with joy anytime expanded awareness comes knocking. I have no boxes to dismantle because I’ve learned not to construct them in the first place. Beliefs are like stepping stones for me now rather than boxes I move into and take up residence. Rather than anchoring me in a fixed position, they help me keep my footing as I move through life. They give me a solid foundation to stand on while I take in the new perspectives being intuitively presented and they never limit me or lead me astray. To say I live beyond belief would be to deny it’s role in providing that surefooted experience. What I have moved beyond is belief systems!

Belief systems are everywhere. They are purposely designed to contain us within certain parameters. These systems are called by many names: religion, politics, education, science, and family. Yes, family, culture, heritage, nationality, patriotism, the list goes on. These belief systems are all designed to keep the ego safe and people managable. How well do you think they are doing? There was a time when these systems of belief worked very well for the people that initially constructed them. We are not those people. While most ego’s haven’t recognized it, we have spiritually outgrown belief systems. Trying to live out of the tiny boxes these systems provide is creating a world of chaos and confusion. I have chosen to watch the dismantling of these belief systems as a spectator who awakened to and from them many, many years ago. With a compassionate heart for those still caught in them and a heightened awareness of the damage that can come as fear ensues and these systems fail. My contribution is to share the guidance that I have experienced in a way that makes room for everyone else’s guidance. At the end of the day we are individuals. I came here to do me, not anyone else. If Innerwyze is anything it is a window into one woman’s trial and error and course correction….. and the rewards of living as much as possible beyond belief



In its simplest and most direct form, introversion and extroversion has to do with how someone processes energy. Introverts process internally. Extroverts process externally.  Introverts literally lose energy when outwardly focused. Extroverts literally lose energy when inwardly focused.  Introverts recharge by being alone. Extroverts recharge by interacting with others. Any confusion in understanding comes in the degree to which a person in inclined in either direction.  This post is about introversion and what it is not....

Introversion is not shyness; While introverts can be shy it doesn't matter to them nearly as much as it does to an extrovert! Trust me, as the introverted mother of two very extroverted, shy kids, I know! Shyness has nothing to do with introversion.  
Introversion is not social anxiety; While introverts can have just as much anxiety about socialization as extroverts, this angst has nothing to do with introversion. Believe me, the rise of social anxiety has more to do with the society we find ourselves in these days than the internal or external processing of energy. 
Introversion is not a choice; Once an introvert has embraced their own nature and unplugged from the social conditioning of an overtly extroverted society, they will never go back to the soul draining demands of attempting to keep up with the extroverts in their lives. The realization that there is absolutely nothing wrong with them, (after years of wondering why they weren't enjoying the party like all the others) brings welcomed relief and the ability to decline invitations they once felt obliged to accept.  This feeling of obligation, in my opinion is where the confusion about choice comes in.  No true introvert has suddenly embraced extroversion and gladly traded in their house slippers for dancing shoes....or vice versa!  It just doesn't happen that way! 
Introversion is not a handicap; You probably have no problem imagining researchers, engineers, philosophers, writers and dare I say librarians as introverts. However, some of our best comedians, actors, teachers, marketers and hostesses are also introverted.  The difference in introverts and extroverts lies in the after party.  Once the job is done, the introvert is ready to call it a day.  The extrovert on the other hand is just getting started. 

Carl Gustav Jung is the Swiss psychiatrist who coined the terms introvert and extrovert and defined them as ways of processing energy.  Isabel Briggs Myers and Katherine Cook Briggs later used Jungs work to develop an instrument for measuring introversion and extroversion among other aspects covered in Jungs work.  As counselor trainers and consultants my late husband, Phil, and I  used the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator extensively in our work.  In fact it was this instrument that Phil did his thesis on, so he knew it extensively.  We would often teach weekend workshops where Phil interpreted the MBTI for an audience of up to 150 participants at a time. He'd do this just as easily as if he were running a small group session. He was engaging, funny and time flew as participants laughed, cried, shared, explored and had huge wake-up calls in the process. He was in high demand in his profession and everyone loved his entertaining teaching style. No one would have guessed he was an extreme introvert who, along with me, collapsed immediately following....for days!  Secluding ourselves away on the 300 acre farm in the middle of nowhere, (where I was living as a single parent when Phil met me) was our refuge and our re-charging station. 

Perhaps you can tell that I'm pretty passionate about getting the word out about real introversion as opposed to the popularization of the term and the 'cool' factor associated with it these days. While there are quirky meme's and mini-tests online to measure if you is or if you ain't introverted, let me assure you, it's not that simple.  Twenty years of research went into the development of the MBTI instrument and the hundreds of questions it has contained.  It not only assesses one's type, it gives percentages of each indicator it evaluates. I know this because as INFP's, both mine and my late husband's off the chart scores are what brought us together.  You guessed it, I was a participants in one of his wonderful workshops. And the rest they say, is history....or her-storer... if ya care to read more of my posts.


Introverted, Intuitive, Introspective, Intrigued, Involved

Introverted? Yes, very!  Intuitive? Yep, though it took me quite a while to understand it as such, but claircognizance is tricky that way.  Introspective? Ha, to say the least! Intrigued? Indeed! Curiosity reigns supreme! Involved? Well, there's the hiccup! Truth be told, if I am reticent in anything it is involving myself in the social aspects of this world I find myself in. In fact my late husband, wise man that he was, used to say that I 'liked people as a concept'.  Hmmm... let me explain.  I have a deep and abiding love for humanity.  I have a well of compassion for any form of suffering. I have tremendous patience for anyone reaching to answer the larger questions of life and their role in that pursuit.  That said, I have very little interest in engaging those who prefer an unexamined life, small talk or who desperately want to hold on to victimhood.  I have even less interest in those who work very had at insuring the masses stay that way.  That said, still my heart goes out to both groups, lost as I believe they are in their illusions.  For this reason my social interaction is quite limited. But put me with a like-minded introspect and my full attention is engaged.

Lest you think I see myself on some sort of pedestal I can assure you differently.  In fact, it was my own ignorance, self-will run riot and self-imposed suffering that yanked my chain hard enough to stop me in my tracks and shift everything. And by "shift" I mean work my ass off in taking responsibility for the circumstances I found myself in repeatedly.  But that's another story...okay, several other stories, but they are on the other blog. What I really want to say in this post is that the things I share, while available to any who care to engage them, won't be engaging for most.  

I won't be "branding" my "message" or "marketing" my "method" for "hits, clicks, likes" or any of that... whatever that is.  And you can rest assured, if I ever "go viral" it will be because someone passed on something contagious that requires medicinal attention. But it's okay because the people attracted to the things I want to share don't care about any of that anyway.  In fact, like me, they probably avoid it when at all possible.  What I want to do is sit one-on-one with the seekers and the finders.  I like small intimate gatherings with those on the edge of insight sharing quantum realizations of their own.  My kinda folks are the one's who've had wonderful, weird metaphysical experiences they can't find anyone to talk to about.  Or those who know just what these experiences mean and the insights that followed.  This is my tribe......and believe me, it's growing.

Many of this growing tribe are just awakening.  They are the introverted, intuitive individuals who haven't yet claimed that aspect of themselves or don't quite know how to navigate this incredible innate system we are each born with. I'm here for those who truly want answers to the larger questions of life; who am I? where did I come from? what am I doing here? and why?. I'm here for those who have looked everywhere such answers are offered and realize how miserably these offerings fall short. Be it education, religion, philosophy, the many sciences, metaphysics, you name it, any outward 'authority' can never answer such questions.  Why you ask? Because 'they' are not 'you'!  Only you can answer the questions you have about you.  You are not a 'we'.  'We' is a perception. 'We' is a fragmented whole for which there is no one answer.  If you begin with the 'you' the 'we' will eventually fall into place and make sense to you. However, anyone who begins questioning life's larger questions from the collective perspective of 'we' will find thousands of answers coming from thousands of people who also began there.  The trick you see, is not to begin there.

Yes, there is a collective, and it serves a great purpose in many of the answers you seek, but only once you have answered the riddle of your own life.  Until then it will mostly keep you spinning in circles. You have heard the phrase, "Don't look out, look in!"  That's not merely a message. That's a map!  

It led me to the Creative Introspection process I have used to look deeply within for my own answers to life's larger questions. It has consciously led me on a thirty-five year journey to this place where I now embrace the 'INVOLVED' aspect of my sixty-three year journey in this life.  Future posts will go further into introversion, intuition, introspection and the intriguing nature of the combination.   As time goes on I'll post about that involved part and how it's going for me.  But know this, just by living and just by looking deep within these larger questions of life, you are already changing the world!