When I took this photograph I was walking with a few women that had come together almost twenty years before to celebrate my 40th birthday.  After several years of solitary inner work I desired a community of like-minded/like-hearted women centered on introspective sharing. They were the gift I gave myself in the form of a sacred, introspective sisterhood.  

We would continue to gather one weekend a month for the next four years. Following that, in the face of death, divorce, marriage, motherhood and widowhood we have continued to gather. In spirit if not in person, most of us are never far from one another.  The losses have been difficult but the impact on the lives of those of us left to gather have been profoundly blessed.  Lessons that can only be learned through losing those you love are often the biggest gifts anyone can receive. This is true for those that pass away as well as those who embrace a path focused elsewhere. This sisterhood and the individuals who formed it has been the greatest gift in my life.

We called ourselves Journey Women because we knew it was the journey, not the destination that mattered.  Together we traversed the inner landscapes to unimaginable depths and heights. Introspection and shadow work was our process. Holding up mirrors for one another without judgement was our commitment.  In taking up the inner journey we each found our personal 'road less traveled' and helped one another put one metaphorical foot in front of the next.

The Innerwyze blog is about the wisdom found in navigating an inner journey. It's my way of giving back and paying forward the incredible gifts I found by simply looking inward and embracing all that I found there. Having a small circle of introspective, nonjudgmental sister-women willing to drop all masks, explore deeply buried wounds and share failures as victories is no small thing.  I know that we live in a world where that kind of safety simply isn't possible...'out there'....yet.  But it is completely possible within ones own heart and mind.  

As an extremely introverted, introspective, intuitive woman, intrigued by the meaning of life, I simply began on my own.  For several years I read and explored and questioned the meaning of life...in general and my life in specific.  As science, philosophy and religion failed to adequately answer the questions I carried, I simply began to ask existence itself.... Who are we, where do we come from and what are we doing here?  I also held a mantra of sorts within me, "Lead me into all truth."  The old saying, "Be careful what you ask for." has proven a great warning.  Thinking I was simply on a esoteric quest, I was not prepared for the truths about this world which have been revealed as well.  

I have taken the time to write several of my life experiences in both story form and poetry.  I share them because they provide the best glimpse I can offer into a life built around introspective curiosity and questioning.  My goal in publishing these along with occasional posts is two-fold. First, to lay as breadcrumbs for anyone wondering what an introspective journey might look like. Secondly, and probably more important, as a shout-out to introverts everywhere to take up the life they came to express.  As introverted individuals we are capable of deep thoughts and long periods of inner searching that others simply aren't built for.  Our extroverted, socially obsessed, consumer driven world desperately needs the balancing we fail to bring when we introverts measure ourselves against the masses.  The resulting social anxiety and feelings of inadequacy fall away as we journey inward, embrace the truths we find there, and then share them with those who ask.... having simply noticed that we walk to the beat of a different drummer, along a road less traveled. ...and, as Robert Frost expressed, "that has made all the difference."

Beyond Belief

The quickest way to stymie the expansion of consciousness/personal awareness is to adopt a belief. Beliefs are like boxes I built around myself to accept or embrace the confines within whatever experiences I find myself. Some boxes are comfortable, some painful and some simply hold me in a kind of suspension, unable to experience the fullness of my being. That doesn't mean beliefs aren't useful, because they are. Used like stepping stones rather than full blown parameters locking me into a set of rules to live by they can be very helpful indeed. 

What I have just written is one such example of a belief that continues to surface whenever it is time for me to move from any box I have built. No matter how expansive any belief box that I have adopted is, and no matter how well it has served the expansion of my conscious awareness, moving in full time and setting up permanent residence there hinders my ability to expand more. It limits me from accessing the fullness of my being and even more conscious awareness.

Expanded awareness knocks at my door all the time. Whenever I get comfortable within a perspective and think ‘Ahhh, now I get it!’, within no time at all I’m shown that what I have come to embrace is only one more teeny tiny piece of a larger puzzle that I am forever being guided to put together. Today I can move from one belief to another, more expansive belief, with relative ease. But that has not always been the case. It was once an anguishing dismantling process of tearing down one belief box before I could even recognize the new one waiting for me to move into. To say this process was earth shattering and at times heart wrenching is not an exaggeration. This is because I attached everything I thought I was to the beliefs I held about life and the world. Humans, operating from an ego state of consciousness do this. It’s called self preservation. Humans operating from an enlightened perspective of consciousness use something else to ensure their well being. It’s called intuitive guidance.

About thirty years ago I attended a lecture and heard a speaker put it like this… “The ego has one job, and that is to identify where we are and what the rules are for making it here.” This understanding became the basis for recognizing the boxes of beliefs I had carefully constructed to keep me safe. To say they weren’t working was an understatement. It became my mission to undo every one that didn’t serve me and my desire to embrace and live from the fullness of my being. Thirty years later I am still engaged in that process. The difference is that today I leap with joy anytime expanded awareness comes knocking. I have no boxes to dismantle because I’ve learned not to construct them in the first place. Beliefs are like stepping stones for me now rather than boxes I move into and take up residence. Rather than anchoring me in a fixed position, they help me keep my footing as I move through life. They give me a solid foundation to stand on while I take in the new perspectives being intuitively presented and they never limit me or lead me astray. To say I live beyond belief would be to deny it’s role in providing that surefooted experience. What I have moved beyond is belief systems!

Belief systems are everywhere. They are purposely designed to contain us within certain parameters. These systems are called by many names: religion, politics, education, science, and family. Yes, family, culture, heritage, nationality, patriotism, the list goes on. These belief systems are all designed to keep the ego safe and people managable. How well do you think they are doing? There was a time when these systems of belief worked very well for the people that initially constructed them. We are not those people. While most ego’s haven’t recognized it, we have spiritually outgrown belief systems. Trying to live out of the tiny boxes these systems provide is creating a world of chaos and confusion. I have chosen to watch the dismantling of these belief systems as a spectator who awakened to and from them many, many years ago. With a compassionate heart for those still caught in them and a heightened awareness of the damage that can come as fear ensues and these systems fail. My contribution is to share the guidance that I have experienced in a way that makes room for everyone else’s guidance. At the end of the day we are individuals. I came here to do me, not anyone else. If Innerwyze is anything it is a window into one woman’s trial and error and course correction….. and the rewards of living as much as possible beyond belief.