0- An Introduction To My Stories

0 - An Introduction To My Stories

My identity has never been tied up in career or achievement.  While I have primarily worked as a counselor, educator, and artist, these professions actually came out of my true passion; what I would call my life’s work; personal/spiritual alignment. For more than thirty years I have consciously and actively worked toward aligning my conscious awareness with my spiritual essence.   This, I believe, is the definition of choosing love.  The previous thirty years were filled with riotous self will.  This was primarily due to the fact that I made poor choices based on faulty beliefs along misguided paths that I was unknowingly conditioned to follow.  Today I am grateful for each and every one of those choices.  I have found that retrospect fosters understanding and relieves guilt when viewed with a sincere heart.  I have realized that the first step toward the compassionate non-judgement of others lies in applying this to oneself. Not in an egotistical fashion but sincerely and with much soul searching.  Compassionate non-judgement has become my primary spiritual tool.  It was born of a sincere desire to truly understand the meaning of life.  Who we are, where we come from and what we are doing here were questions born of life bringing me to my knees…..and the desire to stand on my own.

“Lead me into all truth.” became the mantra I live by.  As a result I have, over the last thirty years, been spiritually guided to explore the origins of spirituality, world religions, eastern philosophy, traditional and energy psychology, various energy work modalities and other studies too numerous to mention. The masks of religious, political and educational systems designed to foster unimaginable agendas have fallen to the degree that I am no longer misguided by the those who shape such curriculums or systems. Revelatory metaphysical, intuitive and mystical experiences have peppered themselves along my path.  These have informed my journey from an esoteric perspective and awakened me to the nature of duality.  I have come to see through the illusory worlds of matter, energy, space and time and touched those realms where Self-realization truly resides, beyond traditional concepts of karma and reincarnation.  And while all of this was more than I could have imagined at the onset of my quest, the close of 2012 ushered in a shift in my personal reality so life changing that I am continually amazed at every turn.

The shift I am referring to is the unexpected and sudden passing of my husband of 22 years, the day following my Dad’s transition from his long struggle with cancer.  And, if the combined loss of the two most important men in my life wasn’t enough, the terminal diagnosis my husband received and suddenly succumbed to in a matter of weeks, was also handed to my girlfriend of more than 20 years, only one week following his diagnosis.  I alone, had been with each of them, in the same building, in the same post-exam room, only a week apart as their respective doctors pulled me aside, to the exact same spot in the hallway, to share the exact same cancer diagnosis that I would then share with each of them.  Their reactions could not have been more different, nor could their journey’s, not to mention mine as their primary caretaker.

While it’s easy to imagine the ‘Twilight Zone’ surrealism I felt surrounding the events I just described, not even I could fathom the revelatory experiences I would encounter. These heightened experiences led me to reflect upon all of the extraordinary, mystical, and life altering experiences scattered across my life.  As one who had sought the meaning of life most of my life, I often marveled at the profound navigational assistance I received as I followed my intuition…. and the devastating results when I didn’t.  I wondered about my insatiable appetite for understanding the nature of reality and my purpose in it, and I was perplexed that everyone wasn’t drawn to explore this ever unfolding mystery we call life?  The desire for deep, introspective awareness follows me through life and greatly informs my journey.  With my father, husband and girlfriend suddenly removed from my everyday experience, I found myself questioning life from an even deeper perspective, which resulted in even more profound experiences and revelations.

Apart from religion, philosophy, psychology and science I discovered a thread woven into the very fabric of life.  As I tugged at it, my life and the world as it had been presented to me came undone while seamlessly knitting itself back together, revealing that we are each the mystery we came to solve.  When I embraced my personal responsibility to awaken to the truth of my individual soul, my soul extended itself to me in unimaginable clarity.  My intuitive abilities naturally heightened as I aligned them with my quest for truth and my physical life became a metaphorical reflection of the distance between who I thought I was and who I truly am. I believe this revelation awaits any who desire it and are willing to step into an adventure where the traveler and the journey are one and the same.

The stories I personally share in this writing build upon one another as they are read in the sequence offered.  Primarily chronological, it is my hope that they reveal the guidance and opportunity that is equally available in the depths of dysfunction as in the heights of awareness.  I have learned and hope to share that the degree to which we choose to embrace the darkest aspects of ourselves, is the degree to which the light of who we truly are is revealed.